More shite to look at

There really isn't much happening these days.

Mario Basketball and a voice activated cookery book are keeping up the DS sales, whilst Xbox 360 is relying solely on Bullet Witch to sell at least one more console in Japan.

With this in mind, the only interesting thing worth noting is that yesterday a Pikachu edition of Japan Rail's "SUICA" card went on sale. Here is a photograph of a sign telling us there are none left because lines of bastard Japanese children beat us to it:

Also, we saw this woman selling HD DVDs

We like to imagine the microphone is a penis/hose of cum.

The empire continues to crumble.

Sega have finally done it.

They've taken the only shard of dignity to survive the wrath of Shadow the Hedgehog's all-consuming arse, and shit a great big Tim Burton shaped turd in its windpipe.

Ladies and Gentlemen - Sega/Sammy presents: Edward Scissorhands The Musical.

Good God Sega, what have you done?

NO!

I'm not updating until someone comments on Johnny's excellent photo of the old Japanese guy.

Come on, mens. He's probably even made that t-shirt himself.

x

How To Be An Assassin, with Agent 47 - Part one.

1. Be bald.


The first step towards becoming an assassin is to make sure you are bald. It's a well-known fact that all the world's greatest killers have been bald. Examples:

- Patrick Stewart
- Roy Castle
- All the members of Right Said Fred
- Mo Mowlam

Furthermore, being bald makes you more aerodynamic and less conspicuous. This effect is multiplied by six if you also have a barcode tattooed on the back of your head.


2. Kill anyone you don't like the look of and stuff them down a fucking sewer entrance.


Look at this cunt. You think you can just jog around the suburb, minding your own business and being friendly to anyone who crosses your path? Not on 47's watch, son.


3. Guards are appallingly short-sighted.


Here, you can see that 47 has murdered an innocent woman. However, the highly-trained FBI agents across the road are totally unaware of this, due to their inability to see more than ten feet in front of them. On the other hand, there is also a distinct possibility that they saw the murder, but just don't care about it due to the victim being black.


4. Soothe the guilt.


At a glance, it may look like 47 has killed a binman, taken his clothes, and is about to pile him into a garbage truck. However, this is not quite the case. 47 has merely knocked the man unconscious, and is now loading the body into the truck to be crushed. This way, 47 can con himself into thinking that he isn't really a murderer, and that the death of the man is the fault of the truck. Thus, he can walk away happily whistling My Old Man's A Dustman by Lonnie Donegan - an activity that we would recommend to all assassins.


5. Open fire on large groups of government agents.


No real reason for this one. I just thought the screenshot was funny.

THIS CONCLUDES THE FIRST PART OF OUR EXCELLENT GUIDE. CONTINOUSLY HAMMER F5 LIKE A TOTAL FUCKNUT OVER THE NEXT WEEK OR SO FOR EVEN MORE EXCELLENT SUPER-KILLINGS ADVICE!!!

Reasons why Tokyo is better #512

All the old people dress like this:


He can be our grandad any day.