Only kidding; we just had a wank.
It was great.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
EXCLUSIVE Marilyn Manson Interview
And I bet you thought we do nothing but sit around and play videogames all day. No - our lives are a constant barrage of celebrity-strewn cocaine-addled parties, baths that are full with milk instead of water, and necklaces with little hens' teeth on them.
I wasn't sure whether to put hens' or hen's there, but I decided you'd need the teeth from several hens to make a decent necklace, so I went with hens'.
So anyway. We caught up with Marilyn Manson the other day to ask him about recent claims that he's a bit of a DS fanatic. The claims appeared to be true right off the bat, as he stood there in the middle of HMV, happily solving a case on Pheonix Wright: Ace Attorney.
"It's fucking wicked, mate", he told us. "It's a proper leap forward in gaming. The PSP can lick my anus - because I'm into that sort of thing."
Wise words indeed. And what games have you been particularly enjoying, Mr. Manson?
"Oh, fucking... fucking all of them. Yeah. That driving one... what's it called? Burnup? Burnout. Yeah, Burnout. That's fucking Reznor, that is. Trauma Center is amazing, too - oh, oh, hang on. Watch this.... OBJECTION!!! Haha. I fucking love this lawyer game. But yeah, Trauma Center. Playing that means I can relieve myself of the urge to cut up human flesh without having to do it to my 14 year-old groupies or my own arms for fuckin' once. Still, check this out..."
He rolls up one of his sleeves, and explains that he's been practicing his Castlevania DS runes on his arms.
"That fourth boss one... I think it was the giant ice fish? That was a right pain in the arse, that", he says. "I fucking beat him, though. Fucking Reznor, mate".
Clearly he's not a gamer to be messed with, then. Still, we imagine simple patterns are easier to remember once you've carved them into your wrists a couple of times.
Anyway, we had other celebs to go and meet, so we swiftly exchanged Nintendogs trainer info with him, and parted ways.
I wasn't sure whether to put hens' or hen's there, but I decided you'd need the teeth from several hens to make a decent necklace, so I went with hens'.
So anyway. We caught up with Marilyn Manson the other day to ask him about recent claims that he's a bit of a DS fanatic. The claims appeared to be true right off the bat, as he stood there in the middle of HMV, happily solving a case on Pheonix Wright: Ace Attorney.
"It's fucking wicked, mate", he told us. "It's a proper leap forward in gaming. The PSP can lick my anus - because I'm into that sort of thing."
Wise words indeed. And what games have you been particularly enjoying, Mr. Manson?
"Oh, fucking... fucking all of them. Yeah. That driving one... what's it called? Burnup? Burnout. Yeah, Burnout. That's fucking Reznor, that is. Trauma Center is amazing, too - oh, oh, hang on. Watch this.... OBJECTION!!! Haha. I fucking love this lawyer game. But yeah, Trauma Center. Playing that means I can relieve myself of the urge to cut up human flesh without having to do it to my 14 year-old groupies or my own arms for fuckin' once. Still, check this out..."
He rolls up one of his sleeves, and explains that he's been practicing his Castlevania DS runes on his arms.
"That fourth boss one... I think it was the giant ice fish? That was a right pain in the arse, that", he says. "I fucking beat him, though. Fucking Reznor, mate".
Clearly he's not a gamer to be messed with, then. Still, we imagine simple patterns are easier to remember once you've carved them into your wrists a couple of times.
Anyway, we had other celebs to go and meet, so we swiftly exchanged Nintendogs trainer info with him, and parted ways.
Marilyn Manson. A true rockstar.
1969 - 2006
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
SCi make special announcement about special Tomb Raider: Special.
SCi have announced that a 'special' Tomb Raider game is to be released later this year, in order to help celebrate the franchise's tenth anniversary.
Assuming they're not stupid enough to mean Tomb Raider Legend, this means there will be two Tomb Raider games released this year, equalling twice the usual amount of penile chafing.
Upon hearing about the tenth anniversary, it came to our attention that Lara is therefore technically ten years old. This means we still have two more years' worth of reliable masturbation material before she loses all appeal.
There was going to be an image here of Lara Croft saying something really really funny, like "Would you just look at my big round tits?". But we've decided to take a far more literary approach to this year's gaming, and also, we had our hands full.
Full with our cocks.
Assuming they're not stupid enough to mean Tomb Raider Legend, this means there will be two Tomb Raider games released this year, equalling twice the usual amount of penile chafing.
Upon hearing about the tenth anniversary, it came to our attention that Lara is therefore technically ten years old. This means we still have two more years' worth of reliable masturbation material before she loses all appeal.
There was going to be an image here of Lara Croft saying something really really funny, like "Would you just look at my big round tits?". But we've decided to take a far more literary approach to this year's gaming, and also, we had our hands full.
Full with our cocks.
ANIMAL CROSSING: WILD WORLD REVIEW
IT RECOGNISES THE WORD 'CUNT' AND CENSORS IT
A MILLION OUT OF TEN, MYSPAZZ GAME OF THE MONTH
A MILLION OUT OF TEN, MYSPAZZ GAME OF THE MONTH
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Happy New Year!
In case you hadn't noticed, it is now the middle of January, and we haven't written anything since Christmas. I would blame our new year's resolution ('let the site fall into a state of utter disrepair'), but in all honesty, I've been wanking myself into a coma over Kokoro from Dead or Alive 4, and as for Glass... well, the same kind of thing, but with Phoenix Wright.
We promise to do better in future, we really do. There'll be some new updates with "cool" new features and a "stylin'" interface. There may even be some badly-taken photos with very little sort-of funny things written about them, who knows?
For the time being, if you could kindly imagine a collection of funny words and images and LOL so much that people in the room say "What is that you're LOLing at?", and reply with "Why, 'tis MySpazz.com, funniest of the poorly-run game-based internet blogs", it would be greatly appreciated.
We promise to do better in future, we really do. There'll be some new updates with "cool" new features and a "stylin'" interface. There may even be some badly-taken photos with very little sort-of funny things written about them, who knows?
For the time being, if you could kindly imagine a collection of funny words and images and LOL so much that people in the room say "What is that you're LOLing at?", and reply with "Why, 'tis MySpazz.com, funniest of the poorly-run game-based internet blogs", it would be greatly appreciated.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Oh, also
We'd like to send out a special thankyou to the person who found this blog by doing a Google image search for "prince of persia tits".
May nothing but happiness come through your door.
May nothing but happiness come through your door.
HELLO SORRY SORRY HELLO
We'd like to APOLOGISE to all our REGULAR READERS out there for not updating much lately. This is because we have been spending all our time looking at pretty girls on Myspace and sighing because even if they're single we know we'd have no chance with them.
Also we have been doing the following:
- Playing Mario Kart DS, whilst pooing.
- Playing Façade and trying to make Trip be gay with us.
- Failing.
- Getting a custom "I <3 PETER MOLYNEUX" charity wristband made.
- Wondering what Peter Molyneux would think if he knew we existed.
- Deciding it's probably good that he doesn't.
- Having gay orgies on Second Life.
- Not doing our university coursework, due to being busy with all of the above.
Oh, and has anyone seen Johnny Apocalypse? He was last seen disappearing into the mountains, and I miss him.
Also we have been doing the following:
- Playing Mario Kart DS, whilst pooing.
- Playing Façade and trying to make Trip be gay with us.
- Failing.
- Getting a custom "I <3 PETER MOLYNEUX" charity wristband made.
- Wondering what Peter Molyneux would think if he knew we existed.
- Deciding it's probably good that he doesn't.
- Having gay orgies on Second Life.
- Not doing our university coursework, due to being busy with all of the above.
Oh, and has anyone seen Johnny Apocalypse? He was last seen disappearing into the mountains, and I miss him.
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