If you answered yes to all of those (apart from the last one, for which the answer should have been 'no') then Myspazz.com presents to you the definitive guide to this month's Official UK PS2 magazine. 146 pages condensed into a tiny, tiny bit of web-space, photographed and documented by our very own Johnny Apocalypse.
First up is page 19 in the form of Lisa Ralph. Here she is spouting a pun about nuts and screwing (LOL!!!1). Andy Masterson from Norwich writes in to say "she is one of the most naturally beautiful women I have ever seen". Nice one, Andy. Now, back to World of Warcraft where you can pretend that lady Night-Elves fancy you.
Next up is page 20, with an irrelevant reference to Kristin Kreuk. This was taken in soft focus for artistic merit. Not because I am shit with a camera.
Did someone say 'article about Smackdown vs Raw'? That totally calls for a picture of Stacey Keibler in her undies. Phew, to think it could have ended tragically with in-game screenshots!
Flicking to page 30 brings about some bollocks about The Frag Dolls travelling the country and representing female independence in gaming. It's not just because they're young and have fully-formed tits. Honest.
Page 36 and something about Prince of Persia's girlfriend. We can probably get jailed for copyright theft, what with uploading all these images. It's a good job we like it in the bum!
We don't really understand what this bit is, but it has a fantastic advert for Colin McRae 2005 on the PSP.
These two pages are from a preview of the game 'GUN' from Neversoft. Although the joke about 'choking our chickens' was hilarious, we can't help thinking that using the production budget to buy real guns to shoot the writers would have been more effective.
Ivy's crotch and Taki's arse; what better way to present a preview of Soul Calibur 3? Remember, kids: Gameplay over graphics, as is demonstrated in the image above.
Page 113 proves that no gaming publication is complete without a dodgy text-sex page. Personally, I can't believe people pay to hear a woman moan down the phone at them. I know girls who do that for free. I know girls who do only that.*
Page 114 and yet another picture of Stacey Keibler in her underwear. THQ could save themselves a load of money if they only thought for a second to get rid of any gameplay elements that aren't Stacey Keibler's knickers.
Finally the magazine ends with another text-sex page. 30 seconds? Do they think we're super-human or something?
Join us next week when we ask the questions 'is games journalism just an excuse to look at half dressed women?' and 'Is that a monster in your pocket, or are you erect?'.
*(this is a lie, Johnny Apocalypse has never spoken to a real lady in his entire life)
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