Things we're going to shoot in GTA 4: Part 1

Pigeons!

Tomb Raider Anniversary: Everybody's Celebrating!

Hopefully now they'll stop fucking around and make a decent sequel.

Pokemon Diamond/Pearl - Finally A Pokemon for the 50 Cent Generation.

Exclusive Fable 2 GDC screenshot!

Wheel of Fortune 2 - Spinning on to PC This Spring

PS3's "Home": Set to re-create the real world.

"Baby in a Rucksack Mode" Added to Battlefield

Sim City DS: Just like real life.

It's about time the DS saw some realism. More of this please.

More secret WarioWare forms revealed!

Secret "form" discovered in Wario Ware: Smooth Moves.

...Slow weekend.

This is what we do when we're not drawing cocks on things.

Bratz Ponyz: Exciting new shot!

That's right, we've been given exclusive rights to the latest screen shot of The Game Factory's latest foot and mouth quarantine-o-thon;

BRATZ PONYZ^TM CANTER INTO STORES SUMMER 2007

The Game Factory announces Bratz Ponyz^TM on Nintendo DS^TM!

Chertsey, United Kingdom – December 7th 2006: The Game Factory today announces the European release of Bratz Ponyz™ for the Nintendo DS in Summer 2007, allowing gamers to combine a hatred for farm-based viral diseases with every girl's love of maiming horses.

Appealing to gamers of all ages but specifically targeting the expanding agricultural professionals market, the game sees you arrive on the Ponyz archipelago to participate in the prestigious Ponyz Town culling. The competition takes place over a year and gives you the chance to experience the heart-ache of obliterating an entire farm, infected with foot and mouth disease. In addition, between each challenge you are completely free to explore the gorgeous tropical islands, just don't forget to disinfect your wellies!

The game allows you to

• Incinerate one of the 8 Bratz Ponyz™.
• Participate in the prestigious, "Ponyz Town Culling" which will develop your skills as a marksman and heartless bastard.
• Take care of your Ponyz hairstyle, by blowing the fuck out of it with automatic weaponry.
• Shop in Ponyz Town and collect everything related to agricultural warfare.
• Freely explore the Ponyz archipelago and fight against rabid mutant farm animals.
• Experience natural and intuitive game play, using the DS touchscreen feature.
• Play numerous mini-games integrated into the adventure.
• Compare your combos and exchange gun-fire with your friends via Wi Fi.

Bratz Ponyz™ is developed by NEKO Entertainment and published by The Game Factory
for Nintendo DS and is released across Europe in Summer 2007.

Remember that fake Peter Molyneux account we made on Myspace?

Don't worry, we wouldn't either.

Anyway, it seems it got deleted this morning, so some humourless wanker must've reported us.

Still, rather this than going to court, eh?

Some Hotel Dusk screenshots I meant to put on here about a month ago

I finished the game this morning, so that reminded me.


And that's how you finish the game.

HMV have lost the plot!

Having sold our last bag of weed to some hyperactive 7 year olds for 20 quid, we headed down to HMV to pre-order a PS3, which we would later be swapping for more weed.

Imagine our horror when we discovered that to simply pre-order a console it was going to cost us 100 pounds!


Poor HMV, they really haven't got a clue have they?

Ideas for new Medal of Honour game.

Dear EA,

Please change this:


To this:


Lots of love

The Myspazz boyz.

xxx

Next-Gen Turok in "Shiny" shocker.

No it's not being developed by Shiny (you idiots) it just is incredibly shiny. Much like Perfect Dark Zero, the Xbox 360's Shinifier has been pushed to it's maximum ability creating environments and character models a whopping 15 times shinier than the last generation.

Here's a screen shot.

Rumour has it that in order to play the Playstation 4 and Xbox 720 you'll actually be required to wear sun glasses to prevent blindness.

We're going to look so fucking cool.

New Burnout!

Let's have a look at a screen shot shall we?

Well that looks...looks...well it looks like Burnout Revenge. What's the difference you ask?

Well it's called Burnout Domination isn't it, which means instead of getting revenge on you rivals, you have to dominate them with leather whips and stuff. It'll probably feature music by Bloc Party and My Chemical Romance and maybe even The Ordinary Boys.

It's coming out on PS2 and PSP, so we're guessing the target audience are chavs, and poor people who can't afford to buy into this generation.

We'll be keeping up to date with Burnout Domination as more info comes in, but for now, here's the press release for Burnout Revenge with the dates and key-words changed.

EA DELIVERS CRUSHING VEHICULAR PAYBACK IN BURNOUT DOMINATION

Players Rip Through Traffic and Settle the Score In the Sequel to 2007's Racing Game of the Year

Chertsey, Surrey, UK – April 4, 2005 – According to the 2007 Urban Mobility Report by the Texas Transportation Institute, U.S. commuters endured 3.5 billion hours of traffic delays in 2002, at a cost of more than $63.2 billion. It's hell on the highway and Electronic Arts (NASDAQ: ERTS) today announced plans to let gamers live out their wildest commuter fantasies this [SOON] with Burnout Domination^TM.

Burnout Domination lets gamers rip through rush hour traffic and lay waste to scores of rubbernecking roadhogs [ooh nice use of alliteration] in an over-the-top scene of vehicular mayhem. The game is currently in development by Criterion Games for the PlayStation^®2 computer entertainment system and PSP^® video game system from SONY.

Burnout Domination is the sequel to 2005's award-winning Burnout REVENGE, which in [MONTH] this year won NO BAFTA Awards because it was shite, 50 Cent Bullet Proof won Best Racing and Best PS2 game categories, as well as being crowned Best PS2 game at the Joystick Awards 2004 [Because it's run by twats].

In addition to tricked out new race, crash and road rage modes, Burnout Revenge takes the series' blistering speed and spectacular destruction to dizzying new heights [TOO MANY WORDS THANKS] with an all-new Revenge mode, challenging gamers to battle the clock and unleash their frustrations on rush hour traffic [WANKING].

EA will debut Burnout DOMINATION at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) in Los Angeles on [DOESN'T EXIST ANY MORE LOSERS], 2007.

Here comes 2007!

And with it the exciting prospect of new Japanese developed Xbox 360 games...


...We can't help but think they're not exactly taking themselves seriously.

Smug Cunt Buys a Wii

Wii Launch Germany:


Hopefully we'll see a lot more of this, to the point where the number of smarmy Nintendo fan-boys becomes so vast, that a law is passed stating a fully legal mass culling.

Next week; Smug Cunt Buys a PS3.

Little Britain: The Game.

How much fun does Little Britain: The Game look?

This much!:

Best game ever! Five gold stars and 100/40.

Woolworths: Stocking PS3 November 17th

Poor Woolworths, they forgot the part that says "2007".

Live vision - See everything live!

If you're like us, and you employ a close friend to film what goes on outside with a digital camcorder so that you can watch the day unfold via the comfort of your own home, then this may well interest you.

Tired of not being able to answer important questions because they were asked several hours before, to someone who wasn't you? Well thanks to Microsoft and their super new "Live Vision" camera, you can!

The Live Vision camera sits on top of your telly and appears to be not much more than a USB web cam that you could probably get from Argos for less than a fiver, but don't be fooled! The Live Vision camera can not only take snap shots to put on your Gamertag, but actually shows you things live.

No longer do you have to wait for Gary to get back with that all important tape of the day, simply watch the day as it happens.

Of course, on paper it all sounds fantastic but as usual there are a few problems with the marketing images...


1. Only 5 Xbox 360s were sold in Asia, I got one of them, and the other 4 were sent to shops to display Ninety Nine Nights. This woman is obviously not real.

2. Not only is she an Asian woman with an Xbox 360, she's also managed to set up a USB webcam. I suppose we're supposed to believe she's some kind of super woman.

3. She can quite obviously see who she's talking to (it's live after all) and yet she's continuing to talk to him, and hasn't blocked/yelled abuse at him.

Conclusion: Live Vision will enable whoever uses it to meet young attractive fake Asian women.

Hooray!

Review: Contact - DS

97%

Sir Peter of Molyneux to be in the movies!

And no that's not "The Movies" - the award winning, film studio "simulation" (see: BAFTA Game Awards).

According to a popular database of movies on the Internet, everyone's favourite middle aged sex icon, may well be appearing in Simon Pegg's latest film "Hot Fuzz".

This is yet to be confirmed as Glass Museum is having a break from sifting through Peter's trash, but as soon as we do, we'll get back to you.

Spooky Time!

To celebrate the fact that it's friday the 13th - something that means absolutely nothing unless you're some kind of whacked up coot - we've decided that now is the time to start thinking about that all important halloween fancy dress costume.

That is of course unless you don't have any friends and spend all your days indoors looking for dirty videos on Youtube. 80% of our key demographic then.

Regardless, here's the best we could come up with.


That's right it's...it's...well the website said it was "Jericho" from "Darkwatch". Who? Times are changing and I'm getting to old for this. Here's a bunch of other photos we found ourselves looking at for a fair amount of time;

Would.
Might.Did.

Myspazz.com one year - one hundred posts anniversary!

That's right everyone, we're officially a few months over one year old! (because we forgot to say anything a few months back). Not only that, but this is the one hundredth article to date. We'd like to take this opportunity to thank those who have supported the mess that is "myspazz.com" and hope that you continue to make us feel better about ourselves by taking the time to visit occasionally.

Just for you, here are some exciting new screen shots of Desperate Housewives the game. The only thing we want in our stockings this Christmas.

Work in progress, narrative may differ from that shown.


We love you all!

Sweet Ironies of Gaming

Update on our (hillarious) jokes about Pink endorsing the pink PSP:

Next week: The Myspazz boys predict the lottery and find better things to do with their time than draw cocks on things.

Exclusive look at Raw VS Smackdown 2006(7!?)

Wrestling fans around the world are gradually becoming less and less easy to please. With the numbers of spectators declining and interest being turned away from the entire sports entertainment scene, THQ have come up with a new way in which to sell their grappling based sports game for Next Gen Consoles.

That's right, exclusive from X06 we bring to you the new and improved "Ring entrances". Now literally meaning "The entry of a mans anus with a big cock", THQ say they have literally "quadrupled the number of penises of any given male wrestler to create a whole new aspect to game play". We're not sure how the newly implemented system will work, but we're literally shitting our pants with excitement.

More soon as we look at how games like Perfect Dark can be made better, by simply turning off your games console.

Downloadable content moves up a notch.

According to our sources at X06, as of tomorrow it will be possible to download Halo 2 on Xbox live arcade. This is exciting news for everyone, seeing as they purchased a whole load of credits to buy geometry wars, then realised there was nothing else they actually wanted.

To all those who didn't waste your remaining credits on Penny Arcade avatars, Halo 2 will be ready for download tomorrow for £4000.

Second update in one day!

We're on a fucking roll!

Here you can see a screen shot of Maria Sharapova from Sega's Virtua Tennis 3 by Sega.

Continuing our "moan about the graphics of next-gen games" campaign, we'd like to point out that the shadows are blocky, her hair isn't right, and her muscles seem to be folded out of cardboard.

All in all we give it a "weeping semen" out of "balls".

The state of gaming.

Here's a video of DOAX2, which isn't really a video, it's just some still screen shots with a bunch of Japanese women poncing about in front of it.

Link to a gamespot video link page because we're not professional enough to run our own videos

"This kind of nonsense is what gets people smacked in the mouth with hammers" - Some journalist yesterday.

No more coffee - full stop!

Today is a sad day my friends, for this is the day we say goodbye to our beloved instution known as the Xbox360/World Cup lounge. It appears the only thing left to remember it by, is this tree:

Above you can see the departed souls of those who once basked in the warm green glow of Microsoft branded neon lights, forever lost to the defeat of a large car park.

Or maybe we're just shit at taking photos.

PSP mock-a-thon!

If you were a highflying executive at one of the world's largest electronics companies, and your biggest rival had just released a pink version of their top selling console to entice the much ignored demographic of gays, poofs, fruits and possibly women - what would you do?

The exact same thing of course!

Here's several (two) jokes we thought up to celebrate the occasion:

1.

Q: What's long, hard and pink and confuses women?

A: A NEW PINK PSP OF COURSE!

2.

Q: What video games console does pop transvestite "pink" like the most?

A: A NEW PINK PSP OF COURSE!*

Come back next month/year when we re-publish all those wii jokes we read at the Gamespot forums.


*This might not be true, she probably thinks PSP is some kind of hallucinogenic pill.

More shite to look at

There really isn't much happening these days.

Mario Basketball and a voice activated cookery book are keeping up the DS sales, whilst Xbox 360 is relying solely on Bullet Witch to sell at least one more console in Japan.

With this in mind, the only interesting thing worth noting is that yesterday a Pikachu edition of Japan Rail's "SUICA" card went on sale. Here is a photograph of a sign telling us there are none left because lines of bastard Japanese children beat us to it:

Also, we saw this woman selling HD DVDs

We like to imagine the microphone is a penis/hose of cum.

The empire continues to crumble.

Sega have finally done it.

They've taken the only shard of dignity to survive the wrath of Shadow the Hedgehog's all-consuming arse, and shit a great big Tim Burton shaped turd in its windpipe.

Ladies and Gentlemen - Sega/Sammy presents: Edward Scissorhands The Musical.

Good God Sega, what have you done?

NO!

I'm not updating until someone comments on Johnny's excellent photo of the old Japanese guy.

Come on, mens. He's probably even made that t-shirt himself.

x

How To Be An Assassin, with Agent 47 - Part one.

1. Be bald.


The first step towards becoming an assassin is to make sure you are bald. It's a well-known fact that all the world's greatest killers have been bald. Examples:

- Patrick Stewart
- Roy Castle
- All the members of Right Said Fred
- Mo Mowlam

Furthermore, being bald makes you more aerodynamic and less conspicuous. This effect is multiplied by six if you also have a barcode tattooed on the back of your head.


2. Kill anyone you don't like the look of and stuff them down a fucking sewer entrance.


Look at this cunt. You think you can just jog around the suburb, minding your own business and being friendly to anyone who crosses your path? Not on 47's watch, son.


3. Guards are appallingly short-sighted.


Here, you can see that 47 has murdered an innocent woman. However, the highly-trained FBI agents across the road are totally unaware of this, due to their inability to see more than ten feet in front of them. On the other hand, there is also a distinct possibility that they saw the murder, but just don't care about it due to the victim being black.


4. Soothe the guilt.


At a glance, it may look like 47 has killed a binman, taken his clothes, and is about to pile him into a garbage truck. However, this is not quite the case. 47 has merely knocked the man unconscious, and is now loading the body into the truck to be crushed. This way, 47 can con himself into thinking that he isn't really a murderer, and that the death of the man is the fault of the truck. Thus, he can walk away happily whistling My Old Man's A Dustman by Lonnie Donegan - an activity that we would recommend to all assassins.


5. Open fire on large groups of government agents.


No real reason for this one. I just thought the screenshot was funny.

THIS CONCLUDES THE FIRST PART OF OUR EXCELLENT GUIDE. CONTINOUSLY HAMMER F5 LIKE A TOTAL FUCKNUT OVER THE NEXT WEEK OR SO FOR EVEN MORE EXCELLENT SUPER-KILLINGS ADVICE!!!

Reasons why Tokyo is better #512

All the old people dress like this:


He can be our grandad any day.