Something to look at (and possibly read)

Look at us! We're like a real gaming news web-site or something, bringing you real photographs from a real convention from real Japan. You'd think we were getting paid or something!

Event: The All Nippon Amusement Machine Operator's Union (or AOU, yes that's right AOU, we have no idea either).

Attendees: Mainly fat men with glasses and huge cameras (over-compensating for something).

Games: Lots, including stuff you've never heard of (and never will), because you live in a country where marketing a Pop Idol style Tamagochi arcade game to fully-grown businessmen will never EVER take off.

Women: Many, wearing very little. Pictures follow. God bless Japan.


It started like any other event - we queued up with all the commoners wishing we had press passes and staring at the odd creatures litering the event banners.


Our first port of call was the Sega stand, where we got to see some Virtua Striker 4, or 5. Or maybe 6. Does anyone really care anymore?


Konami prove us wrong, as they showcase Winning Eleven 2006 (that means Pro Evo) to what appears to be one photographer and two members of staff (it's funny because we're making it look that way, even though it was actually quite popular!)

Bored of that, we moved swiftly to the Half Life 2: Survivor area. The game itself is a little bit like Resident Evil: Survivor, but based on an entirely different game. It's pretty brave of them to launch it in Japanese game centers, since the amount of successful PC FPS to arcade-game conversions are somewhat low. Also, a frame rate that doesn't render it unplayable would be nice. We give it SLOWDOWN OUT OF TEN.

(GLASS MUSEUM SAYS: Johnny told me off because I mis-spelled 'render' when I proof-read this post. HOWEVER he is the one who got slowdown and lag confused, so he can fuck off.)

(Johnny Apocalypse says: FUCK OFF.)

It wasn't just games on show, here we see the latest in Pachinko machines, from some company we didn't bother to find the name of. Look, everyone! Fat people gambling! Japan really is becoming America.

Back to games; Pink Sweets is a top down shooter that's had a lot of coverage over at insertcredit.com. It's kind of gay, but it does have some bonuses:

This nice lady gave us a rose, and a strobe flashing ring shaped also like a rose, which later gave us an epileptic fit having put it right next to our eyes in the dark. As usual the quality of photography is average-to-poor. Live with it. We do.

Inspired, we went looking for more women, the only problem being that for every one woman we found, there were always several lonely just-about-to-throw-myself-infront-of-the-Shinkansen fan boys included. So the search went on...

And on...

Until a nice representative from Sega ushered us to one side to catch a better glimpse of the madness strewn across Sega's main stage.

Rather vuluptuous Japanese ladies in tiny shell bikinis playing musical chairs with fat men dressed as fish. You have to hand it to Sega, they really do know what the people want.

Tired of having a raging hard-on all day we headed to the next door to the sofa convention, where we let off some well deserved steam*, as we did outside when we found a marching brass band of school children.


And yet another man with a camera, and drool running down his face. We love Japan.

*(Semen. We had a wank. Bet you thought we were gonna leave it out, too.)