If you're expecting anything less than a load of photos with supposedly quirky anecdotes, you're going to be horribly let down:
This is the main van. We spent a fair while staring at this as we waited for the 'attractive yet cunt-like' student types to become 'arsed' enough to set up the event.
As much as we'd like to tell you that this is a high-tech Nintendo themed men's loo, it's actually the inside of the all stars van. Super Mario Striker and Wario Ware Mawaru aside, we would have had more fun with the urinal cakes.
Outside the all stars van was 'the pussy wagon' (do you see?). Next to this were a few DSs featuring playable versions of Nintendogs. Unfortunately the general bastard public had scratched the touch-screens to a point where it was impossible to see what the hell was going on. Only the playful yelps emitting from the speakers stopped us from breaking down completely, crying in a puddle of our own piss.
Luckily for us, there was one thing that could make it all better; Zelda: Twilight Princess. When we asked the attractive lady when exactly 'soon' would be, she told us late October. We thought about this, and wondered if she'd ever been to Nintendo's game's information pages, or if she actually knew what the internet was.
As you can see the demo consisted of the same two sections that everybody saw at E3. Unfortunately we don't get paid enough money to go to Los Angeles, so Warwickshire had to do. The number below the two screens is the time limit you get to play the game. This was done to stop the frantic queues from getting out of control.
These are the frantic queues. Deadly. You can't really tell from this angle, but this small boy is actually squinting to a point where his eyes are fully shut. Why...
...Because Nintendo Europe don't see reason in paying for picture quality. Thanks Nintendo, thanks a fucking bunch. If you look closely you can see that in this scene, Link is coaxing a prostitute into his car, where he'll have his way and later steal her money having blugeoned her to death with a nine-iron.
An example of the cunts that Nintendo hired to run this thing. We know what you're thinking, and we would too, but that doesn't stop her from being any less shit. On the way home I fell asleep on the train, and dreamt about punching this guy in the mouth. It was pretty good.
Elsewhere on site, Jimi Hendrix was signing his new book. Believe us, it's a lot better than Pokemon Dash.
Finally we hit the jackpot, these two 'sexy babes' were promoting the DS at a different part of the show. We'd make a funny joke about the whole 'Touch Me' marketing slogan, but to be fair, we took a picture of their arses and ran away.As for the overall experience, it was somewhat of a let-down, the whores didn't even offer us any free stuff other than a plastic cup half filled with some kind of milk-shake.
Depressed? You're not wrong.
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