Hitman-hot-man Tim Olyphant in Turok 3D

But let's face it, Turok's been shit for ages anyway. It's not like he can crucify this series as well.

Another one of those rubbish vet games.

Bladestorm: PS3 and 360 screen shot comparison!

PS3

Xbox 360

As you can see, in the Xbox 360 game the man is wearing a hat making it clearly superior to the PS3's hat-less failure.

Future 360 releases worth a look-in.

Soul Calibur 4


Devil May Cry 4


Virtua Fighter 5


Mass Effect


And Eternal Sonata (probably, a bit)

More soon!

Fifa 2008, first and last impressions.

Oh dear, I wonder what could possibly be mesmerising this poor chap.

Of course! It was David Beckham's arse.

Fifa 2008 will be released on Friday 28th September in the UK and will sell really well, despite being a piss poor rehash of every other Fifa game ever made. Hoorah!

FUCKING HELL!

Interesting New Franchise From Codemasters

Pee-SP is the fantastic new pro-urinating sim for sony's soon to be slim/lite handheld. A release date is yet to be confirmed.

God Of War 3 in Panty Flaunting Shocker!

This is exactly the kind of degradation that's encouraging David Cameron to continue his existence.

Ban this filth now!

Hello? Hello? Are we dead yet mother?

Sadly not my beloved ones, at least I'm not anyway. No, I have been away you see, far away to a land where only the bravest of men have been. I'm talking about Tokyo.


Good eh? I know what you're all thinking, and I was thinking it to - but it won't fit and it'll only end up in tears.

Regardless, I'm sure you're all aware of the main reason for this year's Tokyo visit, and I can now proudly reveal what you've been waiting a whole year for;

Xbox 360 Lounge Update!

You may recall that a year ago our beloved cafe/overly expensive bar had been flattened into what could only be described as a "car park". It therefore gives me great pleasure to announce that there'll be no more car-ing on this park - BEHOLD:

"What is it?" you say? Well I don't really know. But just look at all the lovely cranes! It's like that scene from James Bond, when Bond is reaching for his watch because he thinks it's time for Doctor Who, but Blofeld thinks he's going to laser him, so he distracts Bond with one of those fold up paper fortune telling things, only for bond to open the flap and say "You will marry a man named Kieron Pinball".

More photos:


It's probably just going to be another cafe. They do that in Japan, pull down an entire building and then replace it with the exact same one. Sometimes they move the stairs or the toilets, but that's literally it.


Is that meant to say gay? Because Galy isn't really a word now is it? Is it?


Whatever it's going to be it will be filled with lashings of hot luxuary. You can read it better if you turn your monitor on its side. Unless of course you have a broken neck, and then it's probably fine.

That's all for this update folks, sorry we've been a bit rubbish lately, but Glass Museum doesn't love you. I love you though, so keep reading this, because if you stop my family will die.

Kisses.

Another one of those rubbish Sudoku things.

PaRappa The Rapper for the PSP generation

First thing we're going to do with the GO!Cam

Hitman movie: Exclusive on-set photo!

As you can see, the film-makers are taking no liberties with the Hitman license, and Timothy Olyphant, pictured above, is looking absolutely hot-shit as Agent 47. Personally, we can't wait to see him shove an innocent council worker into the back of a garbage truck!

Is Operation Flashpoint really the most realistic war game ever?

Things we're going to shoot in GTA 4: Part 1

Pigeons!

Tomb Raider Anniversary: Everybody's Celebrating!

Hopefully now they'll stop fucking around and make a decent sequel.

Pokemon Diamond/Pearl - Finally A Pokemon for the 50 Cent Generation.

Exclusive Fable 2 GDC screenshot!

Wheel of Fortune 2 - Spinning on to PC This Spring

PS3's "Home": Set to re-create the real world.

"Baby in a Rucksack Mode" Added to Battlefield

Sim City DS: Just like real life.

It's about time the DS saw some realism. More of this please.

More secret WarioWare forms revealed!

Secret "form" discovered in Wario Ware: Smooth Moves.

...Slow weekend.

This is what we do when we're not drawing cocks on things.

Bratz Ponyz: Exciting new shot!

That's right, we've been given exclusive rights to the latest screen shot of The Game Factory's latest foot and mouth quarantine-o-thon;

BRATZ PONYZ^TM CANTER INTO STORES SUMMER 2007

The Game Factory announces Bratz Ponyz^TM on Nintendo DS^TM!

Chertsey, United Kingdom – December 7th 2006: The Game Factory today announces the European release of Bratz Ponyz™ for the Nintendo DS in Summer 2007, allowing gamers to combine a hatred for farm-based viral diseases with every girl's love of maiming horses.

Appealing to gamers of all ages but specifically targeting the expanding agricultural professionals market, the game sees you arrive on the Ponyz archipelago to participate in the prestigious Ponyz Town culling. The competition takes place over a year and gives you the chance to experience the heart-ache of obliterating an entire farm, infected with foot and mouth disease. In addition, between each challenge you are completely free to explore the gorgeous tropical islands, just don't forget to disinfect your wellies!

The game allows you to

• Incinerate one of the 8 Bratz Ponyz™.
• Participate in the prestigious, "Ponyz Town Culling" which will develop your skills as a marksman and heartless bastard.
• Take care of your Ponyz hairstyle, by blowing the fuck out of it with automatic weaponry.
• Shop in Ponyz Town and collect everything related to agricultural warfare.
• Freely explore the Ponyz archipelago and fight against rabid mutant farm animals.
• Experience natural and intuitive game play, using the DS touchscreen feature.
• Play numerous mini-games integrated into the adventure.
• Compare your combos and exchange gun-fire with your friends via Wi Fi.

Bratz Ponyz™ is developed by NEKO Entertainment and published by The Game Factory
for Nintendo DS and is released across Europe in Summer 2007.

Remember that fake Peter Molyneux account we made on Myspace?

Don't worry, we wouldn't either.

Anyway, it seems it got deleted this morning, so some humourless wanker must've reported us.

Still, rather this than going to court, eh?

Some Hotel Dusk screenshots I meant to put on here about a month ago

I finished the game this morning, so that reminded me.


And that's how you finish the game.

HMV have lost the plot!

Having sold our last bag of weed to some hyperactive 7 year olds for 20 quid, we headed down to HMV to pre-order a PS3, which we would later be swapping for more weed.

Imagine our horror when we discovered that to simply pre-order a console it was going to cost us 100 pounds!


Poor HMV, they really haven't got a clue have they?

Ideas for new Medal of Honour game.

Dear EA,

Please change this:


To this:


Lots of love

The Myspazz boyz.

xxx

Next-Gen Turok in "Shiny" shocker.

No it's not being developed by Shiny (you idiots) it just is incredibly shiny. Much like Perfect Dark Zero, the Xbox 360's Shinifier has been pushed to it's maximum ability creating environments and character models a whopping 15 times shinier than the last generation.

Here's a screen shot.

Rumour has it that in order to play the Playstation 4 and Xbox 720 you'll actually be required to wear sun glasses to prevent blindness.

We're going to look so fucking cool.

New Burnout!

Let's have a look at a screen shot shall we?

Well that looks...looks...well it looks like Burnout Revenge. What's the difference you ask?

Well it's called Burnout Domination isn't it, which means instead of getting revenge on you rivals, you have to dominate them with leather whips and stuff. It'll probably feature music by Bloc Party and My Chemical Romance and maybe even The Ordinary Boys.

It's coming out on PS2 and PSP, so we're guessing the target audience are chavs, and poor people who can't afford to buy into this generation.

We'll be keeping up to date with Burnout Domination as more info comes in, but for now, here's the press release for Burnout Revenge with the dates and key-words changed.

EA DELIVERS CRUSHING VEHICULAR PAYBACK IN BURNOUT DOMINATION

Players Rip Through Traffic and Settle the Score In the Sequel to 2007's Racing Game of the Year

Chertsey, Surrey, UK – April 4, 2005 – According to the 2007 Urban Mobility Report by the Texas Transportation Institute, U.S. commuters endured 3.5 billion hours of traffic delays in 2002, at a cost of more than $63.2 billion. It's hell on the highway and Electronic Arts (NASDAQ: ERTS) today announced plans to let gamers live out their wildest commuter fantasies this [SOON] with Burnout Domination^TM.

Burnout Domination lets gamers rip through rush hour traffic and lay waste to scores of rubbernecking roadhogs [ooh nice use of alliteration] in an over-the-top scene of vehicular mayhem. The game is currently in development by Criterion Games for the PlayStation^®2 computer entertainment system and PSP^® video game system from SONY.

Burnout Domination is the sequel to 2005's award-winning Burnout REVENGE, which in [MONTH] this year won NO BAFTA Awards because it was shite, 50 Cent Bullet Proof won Best Racing and Best PS2 game categories, as well as being crowned Best PS2 game at the Joystick Awards 2004 [Because it's run by twats].

In addition to tricked out new race, crash and road rage modes, Burnout Revenge takes the series' blistering speed and spectacular destruction to dizzying new heights [TOO MANY WORDS THANKS] with an all-new Revenge mode, challenging gamers to battle the clock and unleash their frustrations on rush hour traffic [WANKING].

EA will debut Burnout DOMINATION at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) in Los Angeles on [DOESN'T EXIST ANY MORE LOSERS], 2007.

Here comes 2007!

And with it the exciting prospect of new Japanese developed Xbox 360 games...


...We can't help but think they're not exactly taking themselves seriously.

Smug Cunt Buys a Wii

Wii Launch Germany:


Hopefully we'll see a lot more of this, to the point where the number of smarmy Nintendo fan-boys becomes so vast, that a law is passed stating a fully legal mass culling.

Next week; Smug Cunt Buys a PS3.

Little Britain: The Game.

How much fun does Little Britain: The Game look?

This much!:

Best game ever! Five gold stars and 100/40.